The five languages transmit tenderness, affection, and dedication to your partner without saying a single word. They will light a fire under your relationship, whether you are dating or married.
When it comes to using the above languages, there is no age limit. Young or elderly, exercising them on a daily basis will surprise you.
In his book titled “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”, author Gary Chapman outlines five general ways that romantic partners can express and experience love. According to Chapman, if the five ‘love languages’ are applied, a relationship is guaranteed to stand the test of time.
Words of affirmation
According to Chapman, all of us have a ‘love tank’. The more we get loved, the more it fills up. One way to express love to one another is to tell each other words of affirmation. Sometimes we are low or we are going through a certain phase and all it takes is someone telling us words of affirmation.
It is even better when the person telling you these words is your lover. It comes with more power. Tell them you love them, tell them that they can do it, tell them they can accomplish whatever they set their mind to, and tell them they are beautiful.
Sometimes we only find words to criticise our loved ones and point out their failures. Careful, you could be ruining your relationship thinking that you are correcting your partner.
No doubt physical touch is everything when it comes to relationships. According to Chapman, the physical touch can make or break a relationship. For most, the physical touch can be taken for granted with time, especially in marriage.
Understandably, for new lovers, the physical touch is somehow granted. For some, it will be PDA or you will be all over each other given an opportunity. However, with time, the fire starts burning out. If you allow the fire to die out, chances are your relationship will die out.
Experts say humans cannot do without the physical touch. You can pretend not to be interested but it can’t last long. So, make sure you work on that physical touch or your partner will find it somewhere else.
Do not be mistaken, the physical touch has nothing to do with sex. In fact, according to experts, sex is not the primary physical touch. It can only be an end result of a good physical touch.
Admittedly, many of us are terrible when it comes to gift-giving. When a relationship is starting out, gifts are likely to be more regular but like the physical touch, it tends to wane with time.
By gifts, it doesn’t have to be the latest Range Rover or a designer shirt. Gifts have nothing to do with the cost. Yes, if you can afford it, well and good, but gifts can even be small things with no cost attached.
It is all about the thought and how you deliver it. A Range Rover delivered with arrogance and pomp can have less meaning than a simple necklace. Some people are moved by a hand drawn picture or a good book.
Make the process of choosing the gift more thoughtful, know what can touch your partner’s heart and deliver it at the right timing. Not easy for marrieds but yeah, it is a matter of trying continuously. The secret is, don’t try to be too extra, one gift at a time, spread over time. Each one of them has a different meaning.
Acts of service
Be there, make time for your lover, do something for them. Gifts are not enough. You can buy houses and cars for your partner but if you are not there to show them that you are there, it might all be a waste of time.
Spend time with them. If you have a family, engage in some acts of service like cooking, cleaning, assisting in fixing things. Just be available. Have evenings together and sacrifice your time to be available.
According to Chapman, when you engage in acts of service that require thought, planning, time, effort and energy, your love will see how serious and engaged you are. The positive spirit you exude doing things will mesmerise them.
In today’s busy world, people take for granted the aspect of spending quality time with your loved one. ‘I am busy with work’ is an excuse many of us think is legitimate and acceptable.
For married people with kids, the common excuse is, you can’t have quality time with the kids. As challenging as it is, if you want your relationship to last, you must make time to spend together.
You must find time, whether it is an outing, a night away from home or going on adventure together. This is very important, according to Chapman.